How To Create A Vivid Experience With Setting Descriptions

HOW TO CREATE A VIVID EXPERIENCE WITH SETTING DESCRIPTIONS

by Rayne Hall

(British English Spelling)

Are your place descriptions exciting parts of your story, or do they feel like clunky disruptions to the plot? Here's a powerful writing technique for making them flow and pulling the reader in.

Many writers make the mistake of describing places the way they see them, or the way most people do. The trick is to show the location in the way the story's point-of-view character sees it.

First, identify the point-of-view character of the scene. Through whose eyes, ears and thoughts do you want the reader to experience this part of the story? Show the setting from this character's perspective.

If ten people walk down the same road, all ten will notice something different. When you visualise the place, pick not the details you would see, but the ones the character would. This way, setting descriptions become part of the characterisation.

Let's look at some practical examples. Imagine several characters strolling down the same road in a British town.

Consider these factors:

1. The Character's Job

A person who spends day after day, year after year looking at everything in a certain way will automatically assess everything in this manner, even in his leisure time.

Strolling down a road, the architect sees a row of Victorian terraced houses with bay windows, some with modern double glazing, some with rotting window frames. The health and safety inspector walking down the same road notices the overflowing rubbish bins and the dog turds steaming on the pavement. The burglar observes that half the houses have intruder alarms and motion-sensor floodlights.

2. The character's hobbies

Most people immediately notice anything related to their hobbies. Spend a moment contemplating what interest's the PoV character.

If she's an animal lover, she sees people walking their bull terriers, and a grey squirrel sitting on a fence. The hobby gardener sees neglected front gardens, overgrown with borage and brambles, and front steps here potted geraniums have died from neglect. The car enthusiast sees battered Citroens parked on the roadside.

3. The Character's Relationships

A mother sees the unsupervised children playing on the pavement, and broken toys. A young man who's fallen in love with a blonde girl, who drives a red Vauxhall, will see red Vauxhall cars and blondes everywhere.

4. The Character's Obsessions

What does your PoV character obsess about? You can convey his state of mind through setting descriptions.

A local politician desperate to get re-elected observes how many voters probably live in this road, and that potholes and defective street lighting are likely concerns. A recovering drug addict struggling against his cravings notices a smell of marijuana. A woman who is desperate to get pregnant sees mothers pushing prams.

5. The character's Dominant Sense

Is one sense especially acute in this character, either by nature or by training?

Walking down a rainy road, a vision-oriented painter will see the spreading circles on the surfaces of puddles, while a drummer will hear the rhythm of the drops hammering on the car roofs.

Deepening the PoV

Leave out filter words which create a barrier between the PoV and the reader: I/he/she/ saw/heard/smelled/noticed/could see/could hear/could smell etc. Although these words are not wrong, they're not needed once you've established who the PoV character of the scene is. It's best to use them sparingly.

Here are some examples.

Shallow PoV: She heard a motor whine in the distance.

Deep PoV: A motor whined in the distance.

Shallow PoV: He realised that the hum came from a combine harvester.

Deep PoV: The hum came from a combine harvester.

Shallow PoV: He could see waves crashing against the shore.

Deep PoV: Waves crashed against the shore.

The deeper the PoV, the more powerful the reader's experience.

Writing the Actual Descriptions

Less is more. Keep your setting descriptions short, because readers tend to skip lengthy descriptive paragraphs.

Don't dump all the setting descriptions at the beginning of the scene, but sprinkle them, two sentences here, three there.

Don't rely exclusively on visual impressions. A sentence describing smells evokes the place more strongly than a whole paragraph about visuals. Sounds add excitement and don't slow the pace like visual do.

A Practical Assignment

Who is the PoV of the scene you're writing or revising? What are his or her job, hobbies, obsessions and dominant sense? Therefore, in the scene you're working on, what will he or she notice about the setting?

If you like, post your answer in the comments section, and I'll try to reply.

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As the author of the bestselling Writer's Craft guides, she answers writing-related questions on Twitter,  posts articles online, coaches authors, edits books, speaks at conferences and teaches online classes.

She has been working in the publishing industry for three decades, as a trainee publishing manager, editorial assistant, magazine editor, investigative journalist, production editor, literary agent, and publishing consultant. In between, and often at the same time, she has been a museum guide, adult education teacher, development aid worker, apple picker, trade fair hostess, translator, belly dancer, and tarot reader.  

Now she is a professional writer, with more than sixty books published under several pen names (mostly Rayne Hall), in several genres (mostly fantasy, horror, historical and non-fiction), by several publishers (and indie-published), in several languages.

After living in Germany, China, Mongolia, Nepal, and Britain, she is now based in Bulgaria where she enjoys visiting ancient Roman ruins and hot springs, going for walks in the countryside, permaculture gardening and training her cats.  If you find this article helpful and want to study the subject in greater depth, Rayne's books Writing Deep Point of View (myBook.to/PoV)  and Writing Vivid Settings  (myBook.to/Set)  will teach you professional-level techniques.  

Sulu the lucky black cat (adopted from a cat rescue shelter) recommends them.
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