Don’t Let Empty Dialogue Scuttle Your Scene

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Dialogue is usually fast-paced, but when it’s all fluff, it slows down the story.

Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write. It lets me discover who my characters are and how they interact with the world around them, and how they work though solving their problems. My first draft of a scene is always heavy on the talking.

Usually, the conversations are good and keep the story moving, but sometimes, it takes me a while to find the rhythm and figure out how the scene is going to unfold. When that happens, a big chunk of the dialogue is pointless and empty.

And empty dialogue will kill your scene, every time.

Empty dialogue feels like decent writing because characters are chatting away and often interacting, but nothing is actually being said.

At best, empty dialogue bogs down the scene and slows the pacing. At worst, it annoys readers. They skim through it and lose interest, because nothing is going on.

These empty lines typically show up at the start and end of a conversation, though they can happen anywhere. For example (exaggerated to make a point, but conversations like this actually do make it into scenes):

“Hey Hector, man,” a guy from work called out. Chuck Something.

Hector scowled. Like he had time for this. Chuck stopped and they shook hands. “Morning.”

“Good to see you.”

Hector nodded. “You, too.”

“Some day, huh?”

“Sure is.”

Chuck looked around, apparently in no hurry to leave. “I love days like this,” he said.

“Sunny and hot?”

“Yep. Great boat weather.”

“Ah. Listen, I gotta—”

“How about you? Having a good weekend?”

“To die for.” Hector twitched, picturing the body in his freezer he still didn’t know how to get rid of. Wait a sec… “Um, did you say you had a boat?”

That’s a lot of words that do nothing to advance the story, plot, or characterization, and they also fail to set the scene or do any world building. It’s empty dialogue and most of it isn’t needed at all.

Let’s look at how much tighter this would be (and more interesting) if we got rid of the empties.

“Hey Hector, man,” a guy from work called out. Chuck Something. He stopped and they shook hands. “Some day, huh?”

Hector scowled. Like he had time for this. “Sure is. Listen, I gotta—”

“I love days like this,” Chuck continued, apparently in no hurry to leave. “Great boat weather. You having a good weekend?”

Hector twitched, picturing the body in his freezer he still didn’t know how to get rid of. Wait a sec… “Um, did you say you had a boat?”

The narrative focus is tighter now, leading the conversation toward the boat and the fact that Chuck is a little clueless and might make a good pasty to help get rid of a body. There’s still enough of a dialogue “delay” to give the impression that Chuck likes to talk and Hector wants out of there, but not so much that the reader feels the same way.

Dealing With Empty Dialogue in Your Own Work

If you’re unsure if the dialogue in a scene is a few quarts low or not, ask yourself:

1. If you took it out, would the meaning of the conversation change?

Empty dialogue is empty precisely because it adds nothing to the scene. In most cases, you can accomplish the same goal with one line, as in my example. If you take it out of the scene, the story loses nothing, let it stay out.

2. Could you combine several lines into a single line that accomplishes the same task?

If there are four lines that basically say “hello, how are you, we need to talk,” or the like, skip the delays and get to the meat of the story.

If there are some important bits mixed in (again, like my example), consider how you might trim out the words that do nothing, and tighten up the words that need to be there.

3. Are you trying to delay the scene?

Sometimes we add empty dialogue because we want the scene to feel as though someone is dragging their feet. Instead of throwing in “useless” words, look for ways to deepen the scene or add additional information while giving the impression of awkward time passing.

Internalization can help here, with the point of view character wondering when the speaker will get to the point, or suggesting someone is prattling on without showing the dialogue.

The tighter your dialogue, the stronger your pacing will be, which helps hook readers and keeps them engaged in the novel.

We tend to look for boggy description or unnecessary backstory when editing, but empty dialogue can be just as detrimental to strong prose. And it’s not uncommon for writers to miss it—we skim right over dialogue we’ve read multiple times, because there’s technically nothing wrong with what’s being said. It’s a realistic portrayal of a conversation. It just isn’t doing anything to help the novel.

So don’t be afraid to fill those empty spaces with conversations that matter, and use them to keep your story flowing smoothly.

Are you prone to empty dialogue? Where do you most use it? If not, where do you most often see it?

 

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy. When she's not writing fiction, she runs the popular writing site Fiction University, and has written multiple books on writing, including Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It), Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, and the Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series. Sign up for her newsletter and receive 25 ways to Strengthen Your Writing Right Now free.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie Bound

 

 

And don't forget - #IWSGPit is this Wednesday, January 25 from 9:00 am - 8:00 pm Eastern Standard Time!

Create a Twitter-length pitch for your completed and polished manuscript and leave room for genre, age, and the hashtag. On January 25, 2023, Tweet your pitch. If your pitch receives a favorite/heart from a publisher/agent check their submission guidelines and send your requested query.
Many writers have seen their books published from a Twitter pitch - it’s a quick and easy way to put your manuscript in front of publishers and agents.
Click the tab above for guidelines and hashtags.
See you Wednesday!

Struggling with Weak Characters? Here’s How to Make Them Stronger

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Strengthen your characters with these eight questions.

Stories are about characters struggling with a problem, but sometimes, we get so focused on that problem we forget to give our characters the same attention. We treat them like paper dolls acting out our plots, and even though we promise to flesh them out in the next draft, we don’t always keep that promise.

So our drafts end up with weak characters who are there only because they have to be. 

The problem with weak characters, is that they lead to weak stories.    

Stories that don’t emotionally hook readers. Stories that have little to no tension. Stories that explain a premise, but never dig into why anything in that premise matters to a particular person. They’re yawn-worthy, when we want them to be gasp-worthy.

Just as weak characters lead to weak stories, strong characters lead to strong stories.

Characters with agency drive plots. Characters with conflicted emotions raise tensions. Characters who want things and fear things and care about what they’re doing make readers want and fear and care right along with them.

It’s better for everyone, really.

Before you start your next draft, ask these eight important questions:

1. What are the critical needs of the character?

Those needs are driving and influencing all of your character's decisions, which will make it easier for you to craft a strong story. Look for needs that will help your plot unfold, not just random traits that look good on a character sheet, but don’t really serve the story.

2. What are the critical fears of the character?

Fears are great for creating conflicts and figuring out the right challenges to throw at the protagonist. If you know what scares them, you won't just pick “stuff” to throw in their path, you'll pick problems that will affect them on a deeper level, thus creating a more emotionally resonant scene.

3. Who are the character’s friends?

You can tell a lot about a person by who they hang around with, so what types of people are in your character’s life? What are their key needs and fears? Do they have traits that your character finds appealing or soothing? Annoying or irritating? Be wary of characters who are basically mirror images of your protagonist—if they don’t bring something different to the story, why are they there?

4. Who are the character’s enemies?

And not just the antagonist, but their daily foes. Who they avoid or can't stand says a lot about them, too. Why do they avoid these people? Is it for just cause or did they do something to create that animosity? Characters with shady or shameful pasts might have enemies that suggest that past, or show up to cause trouble.

5. What personality traits help the character? Which ones hurt them?

This is a different take on the old "strengths and weaknesses" question, but the focus is on how these traits work in the story. What does your character do that usually gets them out of trouble or helps them find their way? What do they do that usually backfires, or gets them into trouble? Think about your plot and character arc, and how a character’s trait could affect them, both positively and negatively.

6. What does the character think is fair? Unfair?

This explores their moral beliefs. What have they found in your story that really ticked them off and made them want to act to fix it? (It doesn't have to be your plot, but it's okay if it is). Their sense of justice can be found in how they feel about the situations around them, and what they’re willing to do about it. This can add pressure at the worst possible moment.

7. What does the character like about their friends? Dislike about them?

Not everyone agrees all the time, especially friends. These spots will come up naturally as you write, because you're probably looking for places to add conflict or hash out different ideas to keep the tension up. What opinions have you given your characters without even realizing it? Use these to deepen emotions and add even more layers of conflict.

8. How does the character handle stress?

Some folks are calm under pressure, others fall apart. Since your characters are going to be in some stressful situations, knowing how they react and why can reveal still more about them.  Sometimes we naturally react one way, but other times it's because we've had experience or training to handle things—good and bad. And we don't always handle stress well.

By the end of these questions, you should have a much better sense of how your characters tick, how they interact with the people around them, and how they’ll handle the problems of the story.

For stronger stories, create characters worthy of those stories.

Digging a little deeper than the typical “character sheet information” can give you additional tools to craft scenes with layers of conflict and emotion. Multi-layered scenes created story depth, and gives readers a story world they can lose themselves in.

How much character development do you do before you start writing? Do you do the character work first, or in the second (or more) draft?

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy. When she's not writing fiction, she runs the popular writing site Fiction University, and has written multiple books on writing, including Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It), Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, and the Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series. Sign up for her newsletter and receive 25 ways to Strengthen Your Writing Right Now free.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie Bound

4 Things Every Novel Should Strive For by @Janice_Hardy

Writing a novel is a huge undertaking. You have to come up with an idea, create characters, develop a setting or even a world, and then you have to find the right turning points for your plot, mix in a theme, avoid adverbs and told prose. With so many moving parts it can be overwhelming, and easy to get wrapped up in the details and miss the bigger picture.

A novel is just interesting people, solving interesting problems, in interesting ways.

How we choose to do that is up to us, and the details that goes into our novels vary widely. Ten writers can use the same idea and create ten different books, because what they consider “interesting” changes from writer to writer. As liberating as this is, it’s also a little scary. It doesn’t give us any guidelines to work with when we start a new novel.

No matter what genre you write, here are four things you can strive for that will help you craft a novel readers want to read.

1. Have an original premise done well.

If you’re a skilled writer, you can take someone else’s idea and do a solid job of writing it (I’m not saying do this, just saying that skill level is only a small part of what makes a good novel). An original premise is much harder to develop, and can be a challenge when folks like me keep saying, “You need a fresh idea” to sell your novel. But to give your novel the best chance of being seen by readers, you want to offer them something them haven’t see hundreds of times before.

However…originality doesn’t necessarily mean coming up with an idea no one has ever seen before. Fresh doesn’t mean unique. Love triangles have been written countless times, but the right love triangle with the right trio of characters still makes readers eager to read the story.

I know this sounds contradictory, and it’s one of those things that frustrates a lot of writers. The old, “Give me something different, but the same” spiel. Just remember, original means your take on an idea. Maybe your love triangle is about three friends, not lovers, which puts a whole new spin on the premise.

2. Create a compelling protagonist who intrigues readers.

Notice I said “intrigues,” not like. While most protagonists are likable, and readers want to know their story and enjoy spending time with them, there are also protagonists who no one would want to hang out with, but are fascinating to watch (Dexter, anyone?).

A compelling protagonist is special in some way that enhances the story, such as great analytic skills (Sherlock Holmes), a unique viewpoint about a tough situation (Hazel Grace, The Fault in Our Stars), or a can-do attitude (Ramona Quimby). As with Dexter, it can even something as horrifying as being a serial killer or descending into madness. Whatever it is, they have a trait that readers want to see “in action” and look forward to reading about how that trait will help (and hinder) the character throughout the story.

Few readers will read a story about a character they have zero interest in. As long as the protagonist is doing something intriguing or behaving in a way that makes readers want to see more, they’re doing their job as protagonists.

3. Spin an intriguing plot that keeps readers guessing.

Even the most interesting person can get tiresome if all they do is stand there and chatter on, so a solid plot is a must. But plots with one clear solution tend to bore readers, because there’s nothing for them to wonder about or anticipate. The end of the book is a given, and the path the protagonist is going to take to solve the conflict is clear.

However…(you knew there’d be a but, right?) There’s a difference between an ending that readers can see coming, and an ending that readers expect, but don’t know how the story will get there.

Everyone knows the two lovebirds in a romance will fall in love, but it’s how they do it that keep readers interested. What struggles will they have to overcome? How will they win the other’s heart? What wounds will be healed along the way?

A plot might be twisty turny, or it might be a straight line, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be unpredictable. Don’t take the easy path and just write what happens—dig deeper and do the unexpected.

4. Provide an emotionally and/or intellectually satisfying resolution to the novel’s conflict.

For many readers, a novel is only as good as its ending. How the story wraps up is everything, and if it doesn’t follow through on its story promises, or the solution drops in out of the blue, readers will be unhappy.

But luckily, different readers look for different endings. The romance readers want the Happily Ever After, and the emotional payoff of love. The mystery reader enjoys the intellectual thrill of solving the puzzle. Some stories offer a puzzle to be solved and a character arc to be completed, and touches on both the emotional and the intellectual.

However you get there, fulfilling the story promise you made at the start of the book (or in the blurb) will satisfy readers. The greater the satisfaction, the more they are to read your next book, or suggest the current book to friends.

Obviously, more goes into writing a strong novel than these four elements, but spending time to make sure these four things are covered will help you avoid a lot of common writing issues, such as, stories readers have seen before, characters who don’t connect with readers, predictable stories that go nowhere, and endings that fall flat and leave readers cold.

What do you strive for when you write a novel? What aspects do you want to see in the novels you read?

If you’d like more on plotting, I recommend my book, Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, with over 100 brainstorming exercises and plotting tips designed to help writers develop their novels.

Janice Hardy is an award-winning author and founder of the popular writing site Fiction University, and has written multiple books on writing, including Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It), Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, and the Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series. When she's not writing about writing, she writes science fiction and fantasy. Her teen fantasy trilogy, The Healing Wars, includes The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. She writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

Writing Resources - J - Janice Hardy's Fiction University

Welcome to the Insecure Writer’s Support Group Website! Our A to Z Challenge theme – Writing Resources!

Fiction University

Janice Hardy started Fiction University back in 2009 with one goal in mind:
To offer writers ways to build a solid foundation for their writing. To provide tips and advice they could take right from these articles and apply directly to their work in progress. She wouldn't just say "show, don't tell" -- she'd give clear examples and advice on how to do that.

Not everything suggested on this site is going to work for everyone, but that's just the way writing is. There is no "right" way to write, there's just finding the process that works for you. It's frustrating to be told "you must do this" when "doing that" is more your style.

The site schedule is as follows:
Monday: Writing Article: Janice Hardy shares general writing tips and advice. 

Tuesday: The How They Do It column. Visiting authors and publishing professionals share tips, advice, and wisdom. As an added twist--throughout the year we'll also hear from a writer "In the Trenches" and gain some insight from those still in the submission stage. It's far too easy for writers to feel alone during this tough stage of their careers, and these articles will show that they're not alone.

Wednesday: Writing Article: Janice Hardy shares general writing tips and advice.  

Thursday: Indie Authors column. Contributing authors share information and tips for those looking to self publish, covering a variety of topics from detailed how-tos to creating an e-book, to overviews on self publishing trends and philosophies.

Friday: Refresher Fridays. There are over 1500 solid writing articles on the site, and each week we'll rerun a helpful article from the archives you might have missed the first time around.

Saturday: Real Life Diagnostics. Part critique, part teach tool, Janice diagnoses reader submitted works in progress and answers questions pertaining to those works.

Sundays: Writing Prompts. Various prompts are offered to inspire and encourage you to write. Some are for the fun of it, while others are designed to build a skill or challenge you to push yourself.